Friends with Benefits

Over the past 5 months, I’ve had a fwb (friend with benefits) that felt more like a relationship than anything else. I met him in class at my university, and we started texting all day and night for about a week. Then, somewhere along the lines of texting and talking all the time, we started talking about how much we liked each other and how we both didn’t want a relationship, so we decided to be fwb. I went on vacation for 10 days, and when I got back, we hooked up. It was the best sex of my life! He was everything I’ve ever wanted in man. He was independent, had his own place, his own car, ex-military, and he was in college. Muscular, sexy as fuck, total sweetheart. What more could I ask for?

Over the course of those 5 months, we spent alot of time together. We ate lunch together almost every day. We texted constantly, sometimes even Skyped at night before bed. We called each other baby and sweetie and all the other cute relationship shit. It began to feel like we were in a relationship. Sure, we both agreed that we didn’t want one, but feelings change. Except my feelings changed, and his didn’t. I ended up falling in love with him, and wanting to be with him, and he still didn’t want a relationship. It bothered me, but the sex was amazing and I enjoyed his company, so I kept talking to him and seeing him.

Then, within the past couple of weeks,he began to be really distant from me. We rarely talked, he wouldn’t come to class sometimes, and he always made up excuses as to why he coudn’t hang out. I knew that things were changing between us and that this fwb relationship wouldn’t last much longer, but I didn’t know why. I had been talking to other guys and dating for a few months now, basically after I realized that him and I weren’t going anywhere, but that never really seemed to bother him. I figured if I found somebody that I liked and that I wanted to be with, I would just end things with him and start a relationship with the new guy.

Well, about a week ago, I finally found out why he has been so distant lately. Why we’ve been drifting apart. Why he never wanted to hang out anymore. Why he didn’t want to have sex on his birthday.

“Fwb has changed his status to in a relationship”

This is what popped up on my newsfeed on Facebook when I woke up one morning. I was confused, hurt, and angry. How could he possibly be in a relationship when he has been telling me that he doesn’t want one all along?! I decided the mature thing to do was to confront him via texting instead of calling him out on his bullshit on Facebook for the world to see. Sure, he was an asshole, but I didn’t want to be a bitch.

This is how our texting conversation went:

So you’re in a relationship now?

Yeah I’m sorry

That’s fucked up. You should’ve told me that you didn’t want a relationship with ME instead of saying you don’t want a relationship. I feel like you’ve been using me all along.

Using you for what? You didn’t give me anything. I’m sorry but I was totally honest with you from the beginning about how I felt. I know it may seem messed up to you, but it’s the truth and now you know.

Using me for sex. If you never wanted to be with me, you should’ve said so. I always thought that you just didn’t want a relationship with ANYBODY, not just me. And I feel like it’s messed up because you know that I’ve wanted to be with you for a while now, and now you’re in a relationship with somebody else. Like….what? That’s fucked up.

I wasn’t using you for sex. I never asked for it, you always wanted me to do it (Total bullshit. He asked for it and initiated it almost every time). I’m sorry you feel that way, I tried to be a better person to you than that.

I just feel hurt because I had no idea that you’ve even been talking to somebody else this whole time. I just didn’t see this coming. I know we’ve been drifting apart lately, but I didn’t know why. So I guess this is why you haven’t been wanting to see me or talk to me lately. You should’ve just been honest with me and told me you were seeing somebody else.

Well you saw people too. You went on dates and you didn’t tell me. It’s not like I wanted to know, but you can’t be mad at me for something that you were doing also. I’m just sayin…

I did that because I was trying to move on from you. Because you didn’t want to be with me, and I knew that this wouldn’t last forever, so that’s why I was doing it. You still knew about it though. If you wanted to be with me, I would’ve never even talked to any other guys. So what was it about me that made you not want to be with me?

I didn’t know about it. You were trying so hard to make me jealous, putting it in my face….you’re just not right for me. It has nothing to do with you. You’re a great person and you have guys that want to be with you. You’re going to be okay.

Sure okay. Well, I hope this new chick makes you happy and that she’s everything you’ve ever wanted…and everything I couldn’t be.

And that was the last time I talked to him. I realize now after reading it that I was really emotional and I probably could’ve handled the situation better, but I was angry and I was hurt and it took every ounce of my being not to cuss him out. It’s been almost 2 weeks since this conversation, and I still can’t bring myself to delete him from Facebook or unfollow him on Instagram. It still hurts like hell knowing that the guy I fell for is with another girl now. He’s fucking another girl. God that thought is heart wrenching all on it’s own.

I don’t think about him as much as I used to, and I’m getting over this whole fucked up situation and moving on, but every night, or every time I see a status update or a picture he posted, it hurts. I wish that he would’ve just told me that he didn’t want to be with ME from the beginning. Not wanting a relationship is one thing. Not wanting a relationship with a particular person is different, and I feel that he should’ve been more straight up with me about that and told me. I don’t know if all fwb relationships eventually end this way. I guess it depends on the situation and the circumstances. But from this experience, I learned that if a guy says he doesn’t want a relationship, then he’s either not interested or just wants to hook up and it’s not going to lead to anything more than fwb. I wouldn’t mind having another fwb if there is a potential that it could lead to something more than that, but I think that I shouldn’t have sex with the guy until I’m clear on exactly what it is that he wants from me. If it’s just sex, fine. Just say so. If it could potentially be more than that, great. Say so. Just be straight up with me about exactly what it is that you want.

Sorry about this long, depressing post. I just needed to vent. I promise my next post will be back to crackin’ you guys up in no time.

Do you think he was wrong for not telling me he didn’t want to be with ME? Do you think I overreacted or that I could’ve handled this situation better? Have you ever had a fwb?

12 responses to “Friends with Benefits

  1. Pingback: I’m a Screamer. | Lifetastic Saturdays

  2. I had a FWB that I totally fell in love with over a short amount of time. We were crazy about each other at first. If you read my posts about the Geologist you’ll see how I handled that. I’m still feeling very broken over the whole thing…but moving forward…

    • Yeah I read your posts about him. But you guys actually ended up being together, and my fwb never had any intention of being with me, so that hurt like hell. But I’m moving on from it as well. I have 2 guys that I’m actually talking to now that I met off of POF that I like, so we’ll see where that goes once I go on a date and meet them in person. Btw, how do you like POF so far?

      • I think I like OK Stupid better actually. But I’m just feeling my way around POF. I’m getting Bombarded with messages from a lot of old creepers. OKC is a little more user friendly I think. Can’t wait to hear what happens with the 2 new ones!

      • Yeah, like every dating website, you have to weed out the good ones. But I’ve made 3 really good friends from POF, and I’ve met some nice guys from there as well, so just give it some time. And I actually think POF is easier to use, but you’ll have to get used to the POF interface to really be able to use it. And yeah I’ll definitely be posting about them, especially after my first dates with them (: I’m excited to see where things will go with them.

  3. This is really sad 😦 I feel so bad for you! I think when a guy says he doesn’t want a relationship, that’s all I generally need to hear to go running in the other direction. I personally always catch feelings in situations like this and its difficult to sleep with someone without starting to feel something. He sounds like a douche though – ‘you’re a great person, there are guys that want to be with you’.. errr, please fuck off.

    It’s best for you to delete him – it will make you feel much better. Good luck. xo

    • Yeah I thought the same thing when I read that. Like,umm just shut the fuck up! If I was such a great person,then you would’ve been with me. And yeah I’m working on getting myself to delete him…but I’m not ready yet. Because I know that once I delete him,I’m gonna keep going on his page to see what he’s posting and stuff because somehow,even after everything that happened,I still care. But I’ll be able to forget about him and delete him when I’m ready….just not there yet.

  4. :O oh my gosh thats like me right now. I think i really like my friends with benefits and hes pushing me away :/
    but the sex is amazing

    • Yeah I was there about a month ago. And honestly,me and him were drifting apart anyway,so I would’ve just let him go and moved on. The relationship part is what really hurt me. So if your fwb us acting different or is distant…you may want to be very careful. There’s a reason he’s pushing you away.

  5. He was dead wrong, but unfortunately that prob is how most FWB relationships end. Although there was a clear understanding that there wouldn’t be a relationship between you two he was free & clear to enter into a relationship with someone else. The problem was that he should’ve been up front with you once he met the new woman. He should’ve been brave enough to tell you before he slowly faded into the abyss…… He was a jerk

  6. Wow, you are 19, I am 50 and going thru the same thing…Guess things dont change with age…

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